Come to think of it, I suppose even with their different uniforms, when we see them we know that they are nurses. Maybe it is the caps on their head? But not all of them wear caps. Somehow, when I walk into a hospital I am able to distinguish a nurse from other hospital staff. I suppose that is all that matters.

Now, I have been thinking of upgrading my skills without leaving my children at home. I am planning to embark on acquiring new knowledge via online degree programs. I might go for degrees that can give me work online such as a programming, medical transcription and others.

I believe if I take on more knowledge, there are chances that I could be hired to work at home even as a customer technical support or even a virtual assistant. More skills means more ways of earning.

So, how did this woman who was supposed to build steel buildings end up doing sales related jobs? Well, I got pregnant, got married, lost my desire to take the board exam just even once, and got consumed with the need to provide for an ever growing family – that simple! I just lost it, the desire to pursue my profession as a Civil engineer got lost when I was so overwhelmed with the tides of life. The responsibility of having growing kids got into me and I lost the desire to pursue myself.

Anyway, I didn’t regret not taking the board exam. In fact, even up until now, I still don’t want to take it. I realized that being a Civil Engineer is not really what I want. All I want wanted is to be a stay at home mommy who earns money online. Well, I got what I wanted but life isn’t perfect. There are still complications and we have to deal with it day by day!

Anyway, that reminds me that many of my goals have not seen completion. One of those goals is to have our kitchen faucet done. I already have an idea what item number of the displayed Moen kitchen faucets in the mall I want to be installed but up until now I haven’t been able to buy it. Another thing is my new savings goal, I really wanted to have it done earlier this year but unfortunately I wasn’t able to visit the bank to have it opened. Aside from the fact that I always ran out of money, I am always busy at home because we have no house help.

Sigh! I wish I can have at least a few goals done. If I don’t, it would be another unproductive year just like what I had last 2009.

At the time when I was going through major change in my life, the song Made Me Glad has become my constant companion who helped me through those hard times and the hurts that I’ve been going through. The song practically became my mind’s companion every living minute of my day. It was a song of assurance and guidance for me on how I should live life during the stormy weather of my life.

This entry of mine has something in connection to this Sunday’s Youth service.
The preaching is about this coming generation, and as an example we were given this passage in the Bible; Judges 2:6 (Amplified Bible)

6And when Joshua had let the people go, the Israelites went every man to his inheritance to possess the land.
7And the people served the Lord all the days of Joshua and all the days of the elders who outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great works of the Lord which He did for Israel.
8And Joshua son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died, being 110 years old.
9And they buried him within the boundary of his inheritance in Timnath-heres in the hill country of Ephraim, north of Mount Gaash.
10And also all that generation were gathered to their fathers, and there arose another generation after them who did not know (recognize, understand) the Lord, or even the work which He had done for Israel.
11And the people of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals.
12And they forsook the Lord, the God of their fathers, Who brought them out of the land of Egypt. They went after other gods of the peoples round about them and bowed down to them, and provoked the Lord to anger.

So where am I heading about this?
There are two types of friendships;
The one that you fellowship with, and
One that you deal with;

The type of friend that you fellowship with should be someone who stimulates your spiritual conviction; “as iron sharpens iron.” These friends are usually found in your local church, they are the ones who prays for you in their devotion times, they may support you emotionally but when they see that you’re headed to the wrong direction, they’re not afraid of correcting you with love (Proverbs 27:5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love.)

The types of friend that you deal with are those who you choose to hang around with when you’re out of the church, these are the kind of friends that may have different cultures than you have, being a Christian and whatever they have may rub off on you. 1 Corinthians 15:33 Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.”

If you’re a Christian, and you go out in the world, you will find people full of broken dreams and heartaches, worst is when you find one with bitterness in their hearts, as a parent, I need to be careful in reminding my children to always choose the kind of people they associate with because whatever these people may have may rub off on them and as impressionable youths are, this may also root their ruin.  Sometimes, it’s easy to get tangled in things that convinces us.  Nowadays, children are confused; girls look at the mirror and tell themselves that they’re a female with a heart of a man, and so goes the same with boys. Men dressing up as women and having unnatural relationships with fellow males.  Even if their reflection tells them the truth about themselves, they are still confused.

I don’t want to raise confused children. This is why children are given parents, and parents are being taught the word of God.

At least, while I’m still alive, I want to let my children know about the Lord than live this life and die, and my children end up worshipping other gods.

Lately, changes are getting more and more evident; in my children’s anatomy and behaviours. I’m turning 35 this year, and I can’t help but look back on when they were still forming in my body, the craving times, the pains of walking down to the market and not even half-way there my feet and ankles are starting to complain. The ungodly hours, and the breastfeeding, not to mention the Malunggay pills matching with Malunggay soups my ex-husband’s grandmother cook for me. The trips to their pedia, the frantic cries of hunger and when in pain or with flu. The first steps, the first words, the first time they did something displeasing, and the times when they repeat the same mistake over and the punishment his father and I administer only to find ourselves negotiating with a toddler – which isn’t fair! There’s the parent’s excitement of bringing them to school, their first crayons and the smell of new notebooks and papers. The arguments we had which bag and color to choose, only to find out months later that the strap had broken and we need to replace spider man to hawk.  The warring ponytails, the feeding bottles, the dirty diapers, the ever and tireless hunt for diaper bargains -thank God for Kimbies! These were just few of the episodes of the days of our lives, and now this book has completed and starting to fold to write a new one.

It’s not that I don’t notice my son’s change in his voice – he’s actually sounding more and more like his father. There was a time when I was talking to him and he was at the kitchen that his voice felt like I’m talking to his father. I’m not bitter about the separation, it was actually emancipation. I began to appreciate freedom more and more. Back to my son, he recently entered manhood and I just can’t help but bleed in my heart, he needed someone he can identify with, someone he can share man things, someone he can tell secrets with. I can’t blame him for feeling awkward for telling me about girls, well in a way, I should understand because I am a female, but everything else in him is now a man. People would always say that he needs a male role model, I couldn’t agree more, but I guess a more perfect model would be HIM up there. This school year he will be in Second Year and he can’t wait to start doing his spelling bee activities again. I really can’t help but become heart broken on the fact that, it’s not that I can’t buy him gadgets, but the fact that we have to prioritize and he’s so self-sacrificing. He deserves more.

One thing’s for sure, my children have grown a lot and I am thankful to the Lord for seeing them, sharing every bit of pain and victory in times when they try to overcome the past. True, that from time to time, I am vocal about my frustrations of not being able to work because I have to keep an eye on them every time. There were times when I complain to them their behaviours, yes kids will be kids, but for how long will they be children? Hebrews 5:13 For someone who lives on milk is still an infant and doesn’t know how to do what is right. But now that they’re all grown up, I thank God that they developed maturity and wise understanding, knowing what’s good and bad, the right and the wrong. They are not perfect children, but they are God’s.

Now that life is bringing me to a new page of my children’s lives, I need to prepare myself because I know it’s going to be another wild roller coaster ride.

Our culture preaches that you shouldn’t be ashamed of anything you do anymore, and unfortunately the city is built on the principle that there’s no such thing as guilt, do whatever you want, we won’t tell. So without a conscience, there’s nothing to stop you from killing someone. -Grissom, CSI Las Vegas, Fannysmackin’ Ep.

If we are not careful, if we think that looking to the other way is going to make the bad things go away – think again and see yourself in the shoes of those who are being victimized.

Was it too deep? Too straightforward? I don’t really mean to.
But our society is growing more bitter and bitter, and it’s being an epidemic. It spreads too fast. I’m not saying that we all shall welcome strangers with open arms, of course we might never know.

This is not limited to the movies that our children watch, the music that they hear, it’s also with the culture that they have to live with, the surroundings and the words that they hear everyday.

This entry is for the children of parent’s who are hurting, because of undue and unjustified violence, for the mothers who bore the slash in their hearts because of rebellion, for the hearts of many young children who were left to fend for themselves because of their parent’s irresponsibility.

I pray that, as our names are written in the palm of God’s hands, salvation for the hurting comes as swift as it comes to the righteous whom God predestined for worship and service in the Lord.
In Jesus’ mighty name. Amen.

I’m not going to change anyone’s mind, people may not know what’s going on in my personal life and there are only few that I pick that’s written here. It’s not lying, it’s reserving my children’s awareness of their inadequacy which is ethical. I wouldn’t want to have totally shamed kids.

And yes, like everyone else I also have problems that I have to deal with at home and in my personal life, it’s just something that’s not for full public knowledge.

I enjoy blogging, but not taking without reference on someone else’s feelings. I am just blessed that I don’t have haters and/nor stalkers to bug me needlessly.

Another thing is that I also need to work on my spiritual life because I’ve been declining and I’m very unhappy about it.

What else can a burdened heart say?

Another worry of mine is the baby contest winner, I sent her the prize but it was returned to me – Ria, my sincerest apologies, it’s taking a long time!  I will work on it this Monday after school and call the winner as well.

Just why am I posting this?
Two days ago, I accompanied my daughter to the basketball court near our place. As she glides on her new wave board, I realized; she’s all grown. Aside from the obvious fact of her body’s development, she’s gone from plastic pots and pans, from crayons to clay, from sappy cartoons to anime, from Pet Society to Petville, from Farmville to Fishville and yes, even my bil-bil. Now, she’s learned a new hobby that tells me, “the baby is now a lady.”

I wish I could give more, provide more and do more. And right now, education is what I can give her. I just enrolled her earlier and the teacher was amazed and told me that my daughter is a reader, good to know!