At the time when I was going through major change in my life, the song Made Me Glad has become my constant companion who helped me through those hard times and the hurts that I’ve been going through. The song practically became my mind’s companion every living minute of my day. It was a song of assurance and guidance for me on how I should live life during the stormy weather of my life.

This entry of mine has something in connection to this Sunday’s Youth service.
The preaching is about this coming generation, and as an example we were given this passage in the Bible; Judges 2:6 (Amplified Bible)

6And when Joshua had let the people go, the Israelites went every man to his inheritance to possess the land.
7And the people served the Lord all the days of Joshua and all the days of the elders who outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great works of the Lord which He did for Israel.
8And Joshua son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died, being 110 years old.
9And they buried him within the boundary of his inheritance in Timnath-heres in the hill country of Ephraim, north of Mount Gaash.
10And also all that generation were gathered to their fathers, and there arose another generation after them who did not know (recognize, understand) the Lord, or even the work which He had done for Israel.
11And the people of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals.
12And they forsook the Lord, the God of their fathers, Who brought them out of the land of Egypt. They went after other gods of the peoples round about them and bowed down to them, and provoked the Lord to anger.

So where am I heading about this?
There are two types of friendships;
The one that you fellowship with, and
One that you deal with;

The type of friend that you fellowship with should be someone who stimulates your spiritual conviction; “as iron sharpens iron.” These friends are usually found in your local church, they are the ones who prays for you in their devotion times, they may support you emotionally but when they see that you’re headed to the wrong direction, they’re not afraid of correcting you with love (Proverbs 27:5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love.)

The types of friend that you deal with are those who you choose to hang around with when you’re out of the church, these are the kind of friends that may have different cultures than you have, being a Christian and whatever they have may rub off on you. 1 Corinthians 15:33 Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.”

If you’re a Christian, and you go out in the world, you will find people full of broken dreams and heartaches, worst is when you find one with bitterness in their hearts, as a parent, I need to be careful in reminding my children to always choose the kind of people they associate with because whatever these people may have may rub off on them and as impressionable youths are, this may also root their ruin.  Sometimes, it’s easy to get tangled in things that convinces us.  Nowadays, children are confused; girls look at the mirror and tell themselves that they’re a female with a heart of a man, and so goes the same with boys. Men dressing up as women and having unnatural relationships with fellow males.  Even if their reflection tells them the truth about themselves, they are still confused.

I don’t want to raise confused children. This is why children are given parents, and parents are being taught the word of God.

At least, while I’m still alive, I want to let my children know about the Lord than live this life and die, and my children end up worshipping other gods.

Lately, changes are getting more and more evident; in my children’s anatomy and behaviours. I’m turning 35 this year, and I can’t help but look back on when they were still forming in my body, the craving times, the pains of walking down to the market and not even half-way there my feet and ankles are starting to complain. The ungodly hours, and the breastfeeding, not to mention the Malunggay pills matching with Malunggay soups my ex-husband’s grandmother cook for me. The trips to their pedia, the frantic cries of hunger and when in pain or with flu. The first steps, the first words, the first time they did something displeasing, and the times when they repeat the same mistake over and the punishment his father and I administer only to find ourselves negotiating with a toddler – which isn’t fair! There’s the parent’s excitement of bringing them to school, their first crayons and the smell of new notebooks and papers. The arguments we had which bag and color to choose, only to find out months later that the strap had broken and we need to replace spider man to hawk.  The warring ponytails, the feeding bottles, the dirty diapers, the ever and tireless hunt for diaper bargains -thank God for Kimbies! These were just few of the episodes of the days of our lives, and now this book has completed and starting to fold to write a new one.

It’s not that I don’t notice my son’s change in his voice – he’s actually sounding more and more like his father. There was a time when I was talking to him and he was at the kitchen that his voice felt like I’m talking to his father. I’m not bitter about the separation, it was actually emancipation. I began to appreciate freedom more and more. Back to my son, he recently entered manhood and I just can’t help but bleed in my heart, he needed someone he can identify with, someone he can share man things, someone he can tell secrets with. I can’t blame him for feeling awkward for telling me about girls, well in a way, I should understand because I am a female, but everything else in him is now a man. People would always say that he needs a male role model, I couldn’t agree more, but I guess a more perfect model would be HIM up there. This school year he will be in Second Year and he can’t wait to start doing his spelling bee activities again. I really can’t help but become heart broken on the fact that, it’s not that I can’t buy him gadgets, but the fact that we have to prioritize and he’s so self-sacrificing. He deserves more.

One thing’s for sure, my children have grown a lot and I am thankful to the Lord for seeing them, sharing every bit of pain and victory in times when they try to overcome the past. True, that from time to time, I am vocal about my frustrations of not being able to work because I have to keep an eye on them every time. There were times when I complain to them their behaviours, yes kids will be kids, but for how long will they be children? Hebrews 5:13 For someone who lives on milk is still an infant and doesn’t know how to do what is right. But now that they’re all grown up, I thank God that they developed maturity and wise understanding, knowing what’s good and bad, the right and the wrong. They are not perfect children, but they are God’s.

Now that life is bringing me to a new page of my children’s lives, I need to prepare myself because I know it’s going to be another wild roller coaster ride.

Our culture preaches that you shouldn’t be ashamed of anything you do anymore, and unfortunately the city is built on the principle that there’s no such thing as guilt, do whatever you want, we won’t tell. So without a conscience, there’s nothing to stop you from killing someone. -Grissom, CSI Las Vegas, Fannysmackin’ Ep.

If we are not careful, if we think that looking to the other way is going to make the bad things go away – think again and see yourself in the shoes of those who are being victimized.

Was it too deep? Too straightforward? I don’t really mean to.
But our society is growing more bitter and bitter, and it’s being an epidemic. It spreads too fast. I’m not saying that we all shall welcome strangers with open arms, of course we might never know.

This is not limited to the movies that our children watch, the music that they hear, it’s also with the culture that they have to live with, the surroundings and the words that they hear everyday.

This entry is for the children of parent’s who are hurting, because of undue and unjustified violence, for the mothers who bore the slash in their hearts because of rebellion, for the hearts of many young children who were left to fend for themselves because of their parent’s irresponsibility.

I pray that, as our names are written in the palm of God’s hands, salvation for the hurting comes as swift as it comes to the righteous whom God predestined for worship and service in the Lord.
In Jesus’ mighty name. Amen.

I’m not going to change anyone’s mind, people may not know what’s going on in my personal life and there are only few that I pick that’s written here. It’s not lying, it’s reserving my children’s awareness of their inadequacy which is ethical. I wouldn’t want to have totally shamed kids.

And yes, like everyone else I also have problems that I have to deal with at home and in my personal life, it’s just something that’s not for full public knowledge.

I enjoy blogging, but not taking without reference on someone else’s feelings. I am just blessed that I don’t have haters and/nor stalkers to bug me needlessly.

Another thing is that I also need to work on my spiritual life because I’ve been declining and I’m very unhappy about it.

What else can a burdened heart say?

Another worry of mine is the baby contest winner, I sent her the prize but it was returned to me – Ria, my sincerest apologies, it’s taking a long time!  I will work on it this Monday after school and call the winner as well.

Just why am I posting this?
Two days ago, I accompanied my daughter to the basketball court near our place. As she glides on her new wave board, I realized; she’s all grown. Aside from the obvious fact of her body’s development, she’s gone from plastic pots and pans, from crayons to clay, from sappy cartoons to anime, from Pet Society to Petville, from Farmville to Fishville and yes, even my bil-bil. Now, she’s learned a new hobby that tells me, “the baby is now a lady.”

I wish I could give more, provide more and do more. And right now, education is what I can give her. I just enrolled her earlier and the teacher was amazed and told me that my daughter is a reader, good to know!

Will post more when I get the chance.

We approached the boy, and asked him if he would like to have a meal at Jollibee, he agreed and went with us. We ordered him Chicken Joy, and let him eat first. After he’s almost done eating, we carried on to interview him. Alfredo is one among four siblings, and he’s only 7 years old. His parents are Lando and Anna, his father is a pedicab driver and the mother stays at home, while he and his other siblings go out to beg for money. Alfredo needs to acquire PHP40.00 before going home, this way they can buy rice to eat, when he accumulates his quota and comes home early, he will still be told to go back to the wet market –which is two rides away from their home, but he does this by walking, to beg for more money. His eldest brother, which is only 10 years old, need to come up PHP100 for his contribution to the family. Alfredo was supposed to be in first grade, but his father decided to pull them out of school so they can continue begging instead. Their father’s wage from being a pedicab driver goes to his drinking habits. His mother drinks too. This is how our conversation/interview went:

Interviewer: Madami ka bang kapatid? (Do you have other siblings?)
Alfredo: Opo. (Yes.)
Interviewer: May nag-aampon bas a inyo? (Are there anyone who wants to adopt you?)
Alfredo: Opo, pero ayaw ko. (Yes, but I don’t want to.)
Interviewer: Palagi ka bang pinapalo? (Are you often spanked?)
Alfredo: ng walis tambo (of reed broom)
Interviewer: Dahil? (Because?)
Alfredo: Hindi kami naghuhugas ng pinggan. (We don’t wash the dishes.)
Interviewer: Anong trabaho ng tatay mo? (What does your father do?)
Alfredo: sidecar
Interviewer: Bakit ka nanghihingi? (Why do you beg?)
Alfredo: dinadala ko sa bahay. (I bring it home.)
Interviewer: Magkano inuuwi mo? (How much are you bringing home?)
Alfredo: PHP40.00 (Fourty pesos).
Interviewer: Anong ginagawa nyo sap era? (What do you do with the money?)
Alfredo: Binibili ng bigas. (We buy rice.)
Interviewer: Lahat kayo namamalimos? (Does all of your siblings beg?)
Alfredo: Opo.
Interviewer: Anong trabaho ng nanay mo? (What does your mother do?)
Alfredo: Wala. (None).
Interviewer: Umiinom ba papa mo? (Does your father drinks alcohol?)
Alfredo: Opo.
Interviewer: Mama mo? (Your mom?)
Alfredo: Walang trabaho. (No work.)
Interviewer: Anong oras ka na umuuwi? (What time do you get home?)
Alfredo: Gabi na. (When it’s dark.)
Interviewer: Anong oras kayo umaalis ng bahay? (What time do you go begging?)
Alfredo: Tanghali. (Lunch time)
Interviewer: Pano kung kaunti lang ang nalimos mo? (What if you only have few?)
Alfredo: Pinapalo ako, kaylangan PHP40.00. (I get a spanking, it needs to be PHP40.00)
Interviewer: Ilan kayong magkakapatid? (How many siblings are you?)
Alfredo: Apat. (Four.)
Interviewer: May kapatid ka bang babae? (Do you have a sister?)
Alfredo: Opo
Interviewer: Pati sya namamalimos? (And she also begs for money?)
Alfredo: Opo.

My group consists of three; two mothers and a mother-to-be. Half of us wanted to cry at the state of this child; he was filthy and hungry. He longed for school, but this too was taken away from him by his own parents. Since we only have four hours of class, two which we spend for discussion and two more to look for this child to interview, we we’re sad that we had to cut our time short with Alfredo, we all had to go home.

Back in school, we talked about his situation and we’re amazed at how these parents are able to put up with something like that, when it’s getting dark and not knowing where your child is. Nowadays, you will find a lot of dangers out in the streets, if adults can get victimized, how much more an innocent child. And there’s also the concern of the child learning other vices, or becoming a rugby boy (children sniffing solvent).

21  Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.] – Colossians 3:21 (Amplified Bible)

When I came to the house, the mother supposedly “wasn’t available to talk” and therefore the father came out to meet me, and we spoke about what happened, of course these are children, and they both have their own faults on the matter. So the father of the child and I settled that it is best for the children not to play with each other if they don’t agree on anything, etc. Now, remember, in all these, the mother wasn’t “available to talk.”

The funny part of this story was, the gossip and lies that’s been circulating around about me and her husband. Since they think that I’m “single” with kids, I am now flirting with the husband. Now remember, she said that she wasn’t “avaiable” to talk that’s why the husband was compelled to speak to me about the happenings with the children, after that incident nobody spoke with anyone and nobody greeted anyone on the streets.

Sometimes, if we’re not careful, the children will pick this up from us.