Just when I thought everything will be found at peril’s hand, there I found a PHP200 in my jeans back pocket!

Yes, I haven’t been paid for most of the gigs that I’m doing that’s why I’m having another feeling of hopelessness, and another round when I’m having those days again, darn hormonal imbalance!

I am having a lot of disappointments with myself because of one little mistake that I made. When I moved here, I was led to believe that I had my own electric meter, and the bill directly goes to my landlord, however, just this morning was a shock to me, when she asked me to pay her PHP2000 for my electric bill. When I asked her of my bill, she showed it to me, but added that there are still two people more sharing with me! If I am going to pay my actual bill, I know it will be only less than 2K and I wouldn’t feel bad because I know that I’m the only one who consumed it.

It’s my fault for letting this one slip me, I know I will hear people say “buts” and “why’s” to justify my stupidity, but I am the only one responsible anyway, so why listen to nuisances?

So now, I am found with Smartbro and Electric bills, and soon, I will be paying my rent, well, on the 25th of February.

So this is now my resolve, I will still continue renting here, but I will be scouting for a new place, one that doesn’t live under a building -it’s been two months that I haven’t had any mornings with sunshine and bird chirping. I’m a big fan of nature.

Since my daughter has been expressing her desire to move to my son’s school (they also have elementary), I guess as a mother I should know best and follow my motherly instincts. I know that deep down, my daughter has something that she wants to tell me, she just couldn’t find the right words or the right time. Most of the time, she finds solace in my embrace and she just keeps quiet. She’s still a bubbly and playful girl, and I can only surmise that she’s on the stage where she’s also looking for a father’s attention. Something that I won’t be able to give. A lot of times, I have to tell myself that I’m not a man, and I can’t replace a father’s love.

My son on the otherhand, seems to be satisfied with his life right now. Although, he’s having those pam-pam moments due to some gf issues. Yes, he has one, I don’t have any problems with it, as long as there’s no sexuality involved, he won’t hear anything from me, and he knows me well. He’s still proving his worth, but I always have to remind him to work for himself not to please anyone else. Because in the end, knowing yourself is different from people saying that you’ve changed. You could have changed for the better or for the worse, and the latter is often a trap we get ourselves into.

27th January, 2010 | Household/Parenting